If You Find Love, Grab It!

I have had to widen my horizons. I’ve decided that if I am going to do this dating thing, and limit myself to quality guys, I would also have to not care about a few things, such as age. I am finding that there are some people my age and older who are SOOOO immature, and there are some guys in their 20s who are solid human beings. I can’t be age-ist (ageist??? agist???). Especially if it’s just a date.

Lots of people have silly arguments about why people of different ages shouldn’t pair up. But let’s assume that I am lucky enough on one of these dates that it turns out to be pretty good, and that it turns into a relationship. And what if that person happens to be half my age or more. What does it matter if we click, if we have a good time, if we have found love? Love is so hard to find in this world, so we need to accept it when it comes along.

I was in an 18-year relationship. In my youthful ignorance, I thought that I was gonna spend my whole life with that person. So, I worried that 5 years was too much of an age difference. I didn’t want one of us to die and leave the other alone for long. I thought that me being older 5 years wasn’t good because men don’t live as long as women. I felt that she would have to live some years alone without me, after a life time together. But that logic was driven by fear. Fear of the end. Fear of the future. Fear of making a wrong choice. It was never lived in the present time, in the NOW.

However, I have since learned that we really have very little control over the future, no matter how much we prepare. We have no idea what is coming or how we can affect it. We have to live right now. Buddhism calls this being mindful of the present, and this has promoted a movement called Mindfulness. Theatre has been teaching it to actors since Stanislavski in the 1880s. Be present to the moment. Don’t live in fear. Fear is regret of the past and worry of the future. However, we can do nothing about the past and we have very little control about the future. Even the control we THINK we have about the future is only about what we can DO right NOW. We can only affect now. We can only DO something about the present.

Relationships have a shelf life, a best-before date. Some last over 60 or 70 years, like my dear Aunt Florida and Uncle Huge. Or Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip. However, others last only a year. Some last 7 others 17. The average is not long. And parting is so difficult because people are not willing to let go of a relationship. People life in fear of being alone. Many live in fear of even starting a relationship because they don’t want to change their life, let someone in, and then be disappointed and be alone again later. However, that is living in fear.

We cannot not know the future or how long a relationship will last. We cannot know when the other person will die. It is also far more likely that my partner or I will be killed in a car crash than anything else. It happens very often.  I might have 40 or 50 years left to live. I might have 25. I might have 1. NOTHING IS CERTAIN.

So, the arguments against being in a relationship with someone half my age are not legitimate. If I am lucky enough to connect with another human being in some kind of relationship, it might last 1 year, it might last 25, it might last 50. Chances are it will last 15.

If I am lucky enough to find love, I need to grab it, love it, live it, enjoy it. I need to live in the now. If I connect with the person, respect the person, love the person, laugh and live a full and real life with the person… it simply doesn’t matter what age they are any more than what colour or gender. It is not perverse to love someone different from me.

If I live in fear, I will be looking back my whole life, I will be looking over my shoulder to see if anyone is watching and judging me because someone thinks it’s wrong. I will be living in fear of something that MIGHT happen. I won’t be living in the now, in my partner’s eyes, in my partner’s embrace, in my partner’s love.

So, don’t be surprised if you see me walking down the street hand in hand with my 90 year old lover, or if I introduce you to me 25 year old partner. Don’t be surprised… because you never know what will happen in life. Carpe Diem. Grab it by the balls.

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When I Think of Home

I am so thankful that I have the opportunities to travel and have had this time to be away so long. It’s very unusual to be able to take a 7-week vacation, and it’s been great. Because I needed a long vacation to teach me this lesson: it’s too long to be away from home.

I have been talking and dreaming for almost 7 years now about leaving Sweden, to move to a warm country. I have talked a lot about moving to the Canary Islands. But the longest of my trips there was 2 weeks. It’s easy to dream about living in paradise for 2 weeks at a time. However, on this trip I learned that visiting vs. a long-term stay is very different. For a few reasons.

Without a job here, without my own routine, without people I work with, live with, and spend time with, there is no life. I forgot that when I was young and travelled, I never ever was on a vacation. I always went to something to do: to school, to work, to something. I was always busy and active DOING something that involved study or work. I actually always too home with me. If “home is where the heart is,” I always took home with me, because my heart was in my work and the people I spent time with. But this time, this trip, I had nothing to do but be a tourist. Now, on this island that is cheap, I could do most of the things I wanted to do if I wanted. And I did most of those things. Sometimes over and over again. However, those things get boring after a while. There is nothing stimulating in doing the same thing over again. So, what seems like heaven and a break from the everyday activities of life became mundane and tiresome. Without any purpose to each day with meaning, even paradise becomes boring. Moving to a tropical island for the winter is not enough.

To be truly happy, I need work, stimulation, meaning in my every-day life. I need to know that what I do is making a difference for somebody, if even on a small scale and only for the day. And this means I need people. There are many kinds of people who have not been in my life these 7 weeks: students, work colleagues, friends, and family.

My students are like short-term work colleagues. But they are the focus of my work and often my most intense and meaningful relationships. Whether it’s half-an-hour helping a new student in the writing centre or meeting students over the length of a whole course, the sense of meaning and purpose in my life is so tangible. I can see the immediate effect of my work on these young people and the change I make in their lives. And although they can give little back at the time, the appreciation and thankfulness they give seem to out value all else and last many years… sometimes a lifetime.

Then there are my colleagues, who I meet with more often than my friends, over 15 years, on a somewhat regular basis. While not always close and not always in agreement and not always on the same page, we have been thrown together to get a job done. I have been immensely lucky with the jobs I have chosen: the 6 years teaching a Kreativ Mission, and the 15 years teaching at Malmö University. These two jobs have truly been the most fulfilling experiences of my life. And that is, in no little part, due to the people that I have had the pleasure of working with at both jobs. To come daily to a place where you are met with smiles, welcome, and a sense of home mean everything to a person. To have relationships with people where you work together with to over-come challenges, do mundane chores, have visions and goals, make and execute plans, meet difficulties and challenges… but to do it together as a team. That is the most rewarding work you can find. Oh, of course, not every person at work is a saint. In fact, each year there has always been one bitch. And when one bitch leaves, and new one rises up. In most cases, I have noticed that the bitch is someone who just works alone and has some kind of power trip or need to dominate. I had to deal with one the other day via email. But I’ve been lucky in that they only seem to come one at a time. And I just walk away from them. I take time for their bitchiness to fall off of me, and I go on. But most of the people I work with bring a sense of joy and fulfilment… even now when we have a lot of time working on our own from home. Some of the happiest times I have had on this paradise island the last 7 weeks were the 3 Skype meetings I had with colleagues back in Sweden. In two of those meetings, some really good work was done. Left those meetings feeling energized.

I have no friends on this island. And although I don’t often get to even see my friends for over 7 weeks back home, I always know they are there for me and that if I need to, I can call them up and visit them. I need to work on that back home too. Sweden is not an easy society to do that in. People don’t do that… we say we will meet, but there is always an excuse about why we don’t. I don’t, because I know everyone is very busy and tired and people don’t like someone just showing up on their door-stop unexpectedly in Sweden… or at least that is what we tell ourselves. But I could, if I really needed to. However, on these tropical islands, be it Thailand or the Canaries, I have no one. And befriending another tourist, who is here for 1 to 2 weeks, in a bar doesn’t really cut it. It might be a temporary fix, but I have convinced myself that the input and effort is not worth the output and fix. During these 7 weeks, I have been lucky once and I have had a great experience like that. I met one guy from Germany, at bout 10 am in the morning in a beach hang-out bar. We hung on hammocks and talked all day until I went home at 9 pm, except for about 3 hours where he went on a quick tour. The intellectual conversation and sense of comradeship just flowed as we exchanged ideas. But for some reason, knowing that we lived in different countries, we didn’t even exchange contact info. We know the other would become just another Facebook friend. We said goodbye and I will never see him again. In another setting, like home, he would have become a real friend. But on an island like this where I don’t have a life and he doesn’t have a life, there is no real friendship. Just a pleasant acquaintance. It is near to impossible to make real friends in a place that is not home.

And finally, but not least at all, family. I really only have 2 people who are my family in Sweden… my two sons. They are still teens and sometimes they need me and sometimes they don’t. But I miss them more than I thought I would. I worry for them as much as when I am at home. What I learned on this trip is that one of them, Lukas, with his diagnosis, doesn’t really care that much about Christmas and New Year’s. But the other son, Kristopher, needs his dad there. One of the reasons K needs his family is because of this media based social life he has via internet. He has not learned the skills of getting out of the house and hanging out with friends. He found no one to spend New Year’s Eve with, and he didn’t try hard. I would not have been able to push him, but I could have spent it with him, instead of him being alone. It is sad to see what internet addiction is doing to him, and how it is not too different from my isolating myself and not dating (see my previous post, Dating in a Millennial World). Just as I have never learned the skill of dating and navigating that world of social contacts, and I am suffering because of it, he has not yet learned the skill of making friends and hanging out with them, making plans with them, etc. So, I worry for him and miss him. Even if I can do nothing for him, I would like to be there to comfort him when he fails. I would also like to challenge myself to be a role model for him. Perhaps together, as family, we can learn, change, and grow. And surely my other son, Lukas, needs and wants this too. Although he doesn’t care about annual celebrations like Christmas, New Year’s, and birthdays, he does like to spend time with me, chatting, talking deeply, cooking and seeing a play together. These are all things I miss deeply right now. I already have tickets booked to see a musical with him, and we have a couple more plays and musicals to see in the coming months. And with Kristopher we have Star Wars to see, and TV series about super heroes to see and talk about. I can’t wait to see my boys that I love so much. Without family, I will not be able to move to such an island.

And so, I have learned some deep and valuable lessons on this “paradise”, which at times has felt more like a solitary confinement than a vacation. I have learned to dream new dreams and make new plans about my future. I cannot simple dream of moving off to paradise island somewhere. Those places will always be there for a quick week’s visit on vacation. They are only a flight away. But I need to find a home. There are those two old expressions, “Home is where the heart is” and “There’s no place like home”. Home is where I have work, workmates, friends, and family. If I want to leave Sweden in the future to live in warmer climates, I must first prepare the ground first to make sure these 4 things are there. This might be in the wonderful changing climate of the Okanagan Valley in BC, Canada, or this maybe in a big city on the mainland of Spain, such as Malaga… but they will need to be normal places where work and a life can be found.

When I was a teen, I heard a song in a musical called “The Wiz”, and a few year later one of my classmates at the acting academy in California sang it one week in singing class. The lyrics were powerful to me then, as I was 19, living in a sunny warm place, working for a temporary time in a great school, but I did not yet have any friends or family there (I did later in that year, when I met Lisa), and the song resonated deeply within my soul:

Home
When I think of home
I think of a place where there’s love overflowing
I wish I was home
I wish I was back there with the things I been knowing

Maybe there’s a chance for me to go back
Now that I have some direction
It would sure be nice to be back home
Where there’s love and affection
And just maybe I can convince time to slow up
Giving me enough time in my life to grow up
Time be my friend, let me start again

Suddenly my world’s gone and changed it’s face
But I still know where I’m going
I have had my mind spun around in space
And yet I’ve watched it growing

Oh, If you’re list’ning God
Please don’t make it hard to know
If we should believe in things that we see
Tell us, should we run away
Should we try and stay
Or would it be better just to let things be?

Living here, in this brand new world
Might be a fantasy
But it taught me to love
So it’s real, real to me

And I’ve learned
That we must look inside our hearts to find
A world full of love
Like yours
Like mine

Like home…

Dating in a Millennial World

I shared these videos to my friends and family for New Year’s:

Simon Sinek‘s piece is unbelievably BRILLIANThttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ev7GXzFTPg

Tim Minchin is funny because what he says seems intuitively true: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoEezZD71sc&t=92s

Dad sent me back two more.

Kerwin Rae “Beat the hormone that makes you fat, lazy and stupid”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NaAjdChAls

Mel Robbins “Use the 5-second rule to beat lack of motivation”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Lz0VOltZKA

Oh wow. The knowledge/action gap that Mel Robbins mentions… all those small things that I know I CAN do, but don’t.

With a lot of struggle, I work on overcoming that one every day. Get out of bed, make the kids breakfast, do some work, go shopping, go for a walk, pump some iron, go for a swim, read a book, clean a room, make a meal, fix a broken thing, buy a new thing, put on a load of laundry…

Where I find it hard now is in my personal and relationship part of life. And that is where Simon Sinek blew me away: his example about how the millennials never have to learn to date and be uncomfortable. That hit home for me.

When I was young, I never dated. I never dated one single time… ever. Never been on a date. There was very good reason. I never felt a drive towards women. And I wasn’t allowed (by church and small-town society) to date men (or even consider dating men… the thought never entered my head in the 1980s… even in California, February 14, 1984, when a guy at acting school gave me flowers… I crawled into my small town and religious mind and was FILLED with fear… and a very unhealthy fear).

So, I never dated. I never learned the skill. I became friends with men and women, as we all do, and social pressure told me I should pursue one of these women if I want a family. BUT, every time, I just became friends. Until I made a logical choice to marry someone. I remember so clearly never dating her, but only making a logical choice. It wasn’t about love (althought I convinced myself that the finest love a human can do for another human is to help them and care for them… but that was more about my need to take care of someone and not about her… but that is a blog for another time). I remember her being overwhelmed that I was going too fast. She needed dating, and I was proposing.

So, I never learned the skill. Fast forward to fall 2012, a year after my divorce, after I come out to the kids and everyone, and I’m ready to meet someone. But, I don’t know how to date. What do I do? I try the dating apps like the Millennials. And after 5.5 years, I can tell you it’s a fiasco. Why? Because of what this woman, Mel Robbins, says in this video about fear, protecting ourselves.

A date via a dating app is exactly like a blind date. Worse. It is the worst kind of date possible. So, fear kicks in and stops me, protects me, from getting hurt. OK, as Robbins says, that’s a biological response. And fear is the reason that I hate dating.

I think in 5 years I’ve been on 2 or 3 real ones. I hate it. It’s so set up for failure. So, anyone who goes on a blind date via a dating app is setting themselves up for failure. You have to go somewhere for a coffee, and talk to a total stranger, with rather clear intention of getting to know them because you want to fall in love with them, and he feels the same, which is a really weird presupposition to meet another human being with. So, you talk about who you are, but you know it’s not showing who you really are. You’re presenting the best side of yourself. All the while your judging this other person trying to see if they are someone you want to let into your life. If you found them physically attractive, you either supressing that to find out if they are attractive as a person too, or you’re only focusing on the physical attracting and assuming it’s enough. All the while, he’s doing the same, and you could be rejected any moment… And very likely it won’t be anything long lasting and what your both looking for. The odds are against it. So, all that fear and pressure are the basis for a date. I hate dates. And it’s all motivated by fear.

But Robbins also talks about what to DO about it. How life is mostly those little choices to keep moving forward. What can I do about it? I can go on a date. I can open the dating app, make a new profile, make some contacts, call someone up, go for a date, have a coffee, spend 20 minutes with another guy, and then go home. I can do that maybe once a week or something. I can tell myself it’s not a waste of time. Because, if I am overcoming fear, then it’s not. It doesn’t matter if I don’t fall in love or meet the love of my life. What matters is overcoming my fear.

But that’s not something I’m comfortable with. So, instead of even opening up the dating app, I hit the snooze button. And I become emotionally fat, lazy, and stupid.

3rd Wave Feminism… a Plague

Once again, modern Feminism is LYING. 3rd wave feminism is a plague on society. They hate men. I can’t tell you the number of young men who I hear from who say, “I’m tired being assumed I am a rapist”. I can’t tell you the number of middle aged and older women who tell me, “I’m not a feminist anymore, because the definition of feminism has changed.”

The FACTS are ignored these days. The first two waves of feminism were about truth and were fighting the good fight:
1800s = 1st wave feminism, the suffragettes, was about legal equality: women having the right to vote, to become doctors and lawyers, etc.
1900s = 2nd wave feminism was about social equality in gender roles at work, at home, such as fighting the wage-gap, etc.
HOWEVER…
2000s = 3rd wave feminism is recent and is not about equality. It is about subversing men and it does so by lying: 1) 
there is no wage-gap anymore (as there was in the 1960s) but they talk about it as if it was fact; 2) there is no rape-culture (as there is in the middle east), but they have created a hysteria and false statistics, such as every 1 in 5 collage women are raped or that EVERY man is a rapist inside; 3) they are against free speech and when someone disagrees with them, they call it hate-speech and try to ban certain words from being used on social media, in public places, etc.

We need a 4th wave of feminism, that brings us away from this discourse of LIES and takes on the real issues, such as equality between ALL people and all “genders”. We will never be able to have equality and justice when the issues are muddled with lies.

Watch videos by Christina Hoff Sommers / The Factual Feminist. Her arguments that prove the gender wage-gap is not true:

1. “23-cent gender pay gap” = average all men’s earnings – average of all women’s earnings of men and women working full time. It does not account for differences in occupations, positions, educations, job tenure, or hours worked per week.
a. For example, female physicians choose lower paying specialties, such as pediatrics or family medicine, rather than highly paying specialties, such as cardiology or anesthesiology.
b. Women are also likely to work part time. Even women who work full time put in about 7% fewer hours than men. Female physicians are also more likely to take long leaves of absence. 

2. “Invisible Barriers, Internalized Oppression”: 
However, it is not social conditioning that explains women’s vocational preferences. Perhaps in the pursuit of happiness, men and women take somewhat different paths (in general). “It’s it a little bit more than patronising to suggest that most American woman are not free and self-determining human beings” to choose their own career paths?

3. Here is common sense proof that the male-female wage gap is untrue: if it were really true that an employer could get away with paying women less than men for the exact same work, wouldn’t most employers fire as many of their male employees and replace them with females and enjoy a huge market advantage?

A woman can be, today, anything she wants. If women want to earn more, they should stop choosing GENDER STUDIES and start choosing ENGINEERING, COMPUTER SCIENCES, and other work that is in demand. The wage-gap is not gender based. It’s about supply and demand. It is patronising to BOTH men and women, because I too have chosen a path that is not in the high paying group, a teacher, and I earn the least of all my female colleagues. Why? Because i have lower education, qualifications, and job tenure. Do I start screaming and complaining that the wage gap is because I am a man??? No. Because I refuse to be a victim. I am not a victim because I have chosen not to.

Young women, Millennials, stop playing the victim!

“Women in America are the freest in the world, yet many feminists tell us women are oppressed. They advocate this falsehood through victim mentality propaganda and misleading statistics, such as the gender wage gap myth. In five minutes, American Enterprise Institute’s Christina Hoff Sommers tells you the truth about feminism.”

Never Miss Twice

This blog will actually be mostly from other sources, but I thought it was so good that I want to share it and make sure I don’t loose the information myself:

“In 2007 Jerry Seinfeld, the famous New York Comedian, inadvertently became a guru of getting things done.

Aspiring comedian Brad Isaac asked Jerry’s advice on how to become great. The answer is now known as the Seinfeld method of productivity.

Here’s how it works:

First you pick a fun activity you can do everyday.

To stay motivated, Seinfeld marked the calendar every day he did It.

‘After a few days you’ll have a chain. Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day. You’ll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job next is to not break the chain,’ said Brad Isaac.

You have to do it each day.

For example it’s fine to read a book about watercolor painting techniques, but if you don’t actually pick up a brush and start painting, you will never improve your painting skills.

Now, here’s the small twist that makes Jerry’s system even better. 

I’ve used this method to lose 30 pounds, got myself as physically fit as most guys half my age (I’m 51), and got rid of a creeping bad habit. 

This small change makes Jerry’s system more doable. 

The difference is a slight loosening in your level of commitment that makes it sustainable. Plus, it’s more fun and more motivating. 

You still mark the calendar every day you complete your task, but you are allowed to miss a day. 

The challenge you must commit to is to “Never Miss Twice.” 

You’re allowed a day off. 

That’s realistic. 

We all need a rest day. Even the Big Man rested on the seventh day. 

Your commitment is to “Never Miss Twice.” 

All last year I did it with exercise, and now I am in phenomenal condition. 

I did it with nutrition too. 

If I have an indulgent day, the next day I make sure I eat healthy. I never miss my healthy diet two days in a row. 

I was becoming “pudgy”, and now I am at my ideal weight. 

I also do it with alcohol. 

No! I don’t mean that I drink alcohol every day. 

What I mean is… if I have a drink, then the next day I don’t. 

I still enjoy a steak and red wine, but not every day. 

The “Never Miss Twice” idea changed my life. 

My blood pressure is good, my weight is spot on and I’m as fit as ever. 

If you dedicate just 10–20 minutes a day to speak Spanish with the videos and “Never Miss Twice,” you can become a Spanish speaker. 

It’s as simple as that. 

Nothing can stop you.”

(Source: Marcus Santamaria, Spanish Communication Coach at http://www.synergyspanishsystems.com/blog/seinfelds-spanish-system/)

Getting Kids and Pizza

I kind of love Fridays.
This is the day I either get my kids or leave my kids. Every week.
Getting them today is amazing after not having them a week. I always miss them by the end. And I get them PIZZA to welcome them home.
I also love when they go away to their mother’s for a week. I get a week off. It may sound strange for a parent to have a week off… there are lots of single parents in the world who always have their kids and have no dad to send the kids to every second week. But that doesn’t change the fact that for me, in this culture and situation, it is still wonderful to get the week off… and I get used to it.
And I DO have one special-needs kids and one kid who has extra needs because he’s the brother of a special-needs kid and it’s been tough for 5 years. And living in a society with no discipline and structure for children is tough… as Temple Granden, expert, author and having autism herself, says, “Back in the 1950s, when I was a kid, we had clear rules and instructions on how to behave. We were TAUGHT social skills. So, as a child with Aspergers, I got clear instruction and guidance at school, in public, and at home. Nowadays, children are not taught any of that, unless their parents do it. Kids without Asperger’s pick up social skills just from watching and observing. However, kids with Asperger’s are not able to do that. They don’t have that intuitive capability.”
So, we parents have a very tough job of it with special needs kids like mine, because no one is out there in daily life helping me. The result is clear: Lukas has so many needs, and very few people understand or help me. He is in bed all day every day; if he gets tummy ache or something, no one tells him to just suck it up and go to school because you have to. He knows he doesn’t have too. Society (school, etc) is too soft now. There are no requirements. Society doesn’t provide a network anymore to make sure every child can get out into the working world. So, children with special needs become depressed, bored, unmotivated, suicidal, fat, lazy, anti-social.
This is what I deal with every week I get the kids. So, it is wonderful to have them coming today… I miss them. But on the other hand, I feel a touch of apprehension:
How will it go this week? Will I get him out the door to school? Will I even get him out of bed? Will he sleep badly every night? Will he have a sore tummy all week? Will he eat crap all week? Will he get constipated or get diarrhoea? Will he get antiety and panic attacks? Will he shower too much?
And then there is the problem of his hair and bad skin. Because of his OCD, his need to be germ free, and his need to not be touched, he hasn’t been able to have a hair cut since he was 12 years old (he’s now 14). So, his hair is now 37 cm long and un-managable. And always wet because he showers 3 or 4 times a day. And he leaves hair and dead skin all over. Cleaning his room (and the house) is a big deal when he leaves.
So, I have mixed feelings today. But of course, I love them to death. Now, enough of this. I need to make a menu, shopping list, and stock the fridge!

Principles of My Life:

I was chatting with my friend in the US who I met 32 years ago in January 1984. With that perspective on life, I was reminded of the creeds I live my life by, some new, some older:

“There are no mistakes, only experiences”.
“The Vacuum Principle: create a vacuum in your life; get rid of what you don’t want to make room for what you DO want”.
Then I have another, that might not seem so nice, but it is about setting heathy boarders around me and keeping me from co-dependent relationships:
“Cut negative people out of your life like a cancer; those people who are energy thieves or who don’t bring anything to the relationship, simply cut them off”.
These 3 principles, while I have sometimes failed to follow them for a period of time, have saved me. Because I only have this one life (as far as I know or will remember), and it is only MINE to do something good with. Of course, I always feel a lot of love and emotion, and that brings balance to what might seem like some hard principles. But I have noticed that REAL friends, people who are worth it, come back into my life in a healthier relationship because of these. And others, who really are just too negative and really are like a cancer, stay away. And each of these principles just seem to related to the other, because if I separated my life from something or someone negative, and later that thing or person comes back in a healthy way, then, “There are no mistakes, only experiences”, and it was good that I cut them out.
The vacuum principle has been great. These last 10 years I have been getting rid of stuff, both physically and metaphorically. The result is a nice clean house… physically and metaphorically !!! We all know that we need to keep vacuuming or the house doesn’t STAY clean. The best time for me is when I feel depressed… oh boy, then the cupboards start getting empty as I theraputically get rid of stuff that I don’t use or need. For those of you who are hoarders— I can only remember ONE time I had to go out and buy something I threw out… and it only cost me about 150 crowns (20 dollars). So it was WORTH it.
Actually, that is the principle that has allowed me to travel to Gran Canaria so much. I literally got rid of one QUARTER of my stuff, and emptied 40 square meters of my basement. Then I turned it into a money making student flat. 4250 crowns a month I get. That’s 52 000crowns a year. That’s a lot of trips! All because after my divorce, I started the vacuum principle. I emptied my life and house of things I didn’t want or need to make room for what I do.
At times, my big heart has let people into my life that I should not have, but these principles have helped protect me from harm and helped me. I don’t have a lot of rules or any religion, but I live by these simple 3 principles and, like the rest of us, stumble through life the best I can.